Win a $25 GC: The Lesser Known Travel Tips series by Simon Yeats

This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. A randomly drawn winner will be awarded a $25 Amazon/BN gift card. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Can you describe your dream home?

A cozy two-story cabin in the woods backing onto a lake, that has a moat and a drawbridge. Large sections of the walls are just glass windows so I can look out over the lake and also monitor any enemy's army massing on the other side of the moat. The entire bottom floor is this hybrid kitchen/living room with a central fireplace and a massive flatscreen TV on one wall. I want a spiral staircase leading up to the second floor and a firefighter’s pole. I want solar panels on the roof so that my electricity bill is kept under control, from having so much poorly insulated glass during the winter.

If we were to come to your house for a meal, what would you give us to eat?

I would cook Aussie burgers. Hamburgers with tomatoes, lettuce, mayo, fried onions, pineapple, beetroot, a fried egg, and love. For dessert we are having sticky date pudding with whipped cream and rich vanilla ice-cream. We will eat off our laps sitting on the couch, as it is more informal than being at the table. A more important question is, what are you bringing to drink with this feast?

Tell us about the absolute BEST fan letter you have received.

Oh this is easy, I have to this date received only ONE piece of fan mail. And that person had only read two chapters of my writing. But it is a great story. I came to the US from Australia when I was 20 to work in a ski resort for the winter. I met a girl, and she became my first girlfriend for the remaining two months. I went home, and we lost touch. 18 years later, I am on Facebook and I send out some inquires to everyone I can track down with her distinct enough name. Another 7 years pass and I randomly get a response from HER. Her work did not allow Facebook access on the computers and the message did not come up on her phone. One day she was at a random computer and went to Facebook and saw my inquiry from years earlier. She reached back out to me. At the time, I was halfway through my first book and thinking it was no good. I sent her the first two chapters and she read them. She sent me a letter and a gift. A coffee cup that says ‘fuck off, I’m writing,’ and a short note that said, ‘your writing is hilarious and wonderful. Keep going.’

Say your publisher has offered to fly you anywhere in the world to do research on an upcoming book, where would you most likely want to go?

Space. What would the price tag for that little jaunt be? A couple of million? Let’s say 8 million. In my next memoir I could dedicate a brief sentence to the trip. I went to space. That works out to be 2 million dollars per word. That is value for money right there. That is how we simple folk get back at the 1%, we waste their money. The publisher will think twice about offering to fly me anywhere I wanted to go when they could get the same literary output by buying me a beer at the pub. I had a beer. What is a beer these days? Seven dollars? That is $1.75 per word. Same panache, same engrossing story telling. Same unique perspective on the events that unfolded.

Who designed the book cover for the book you are touring?

The entire series was to be done by a very talented book cover designer from Slovenia that I met while whitewater rafting in Nepal. I always like the simplicity of the cover of Wild, with the boot on the cover and nothing else. So I called this mate up and said, ‘Hey Glerk, do you think you could design a couple of covers for my book series that had a simple picture of a backpack and hiking boots or something on it?’ And he responded, ‘you want me to do you a favor? You know I had to get four stitches in my forehead when we got back to Kathmandu from the wound you caused me hitting me in the face with your paddle.’ And I was like, ‘oh you still remember that?’ So I had to get someone from Fiverr to design it.

The Lesser Known Travel Tips memoirs are a hilarious series of travel misadventures and dubious personal introspection by Australian author Simon Yeats, who from an early age learned that the best way to approach the misfortunes of this world is to laugh about them.

Simon shares his comedic insights into the unusual and uproarious elements of living life as an Aussie ex-pat and having a sense of Wanderlust as pervasive as the Spanish Flu in 1918 or hordes of Mongols in 12th Century.

From how to keep yourself entertained when unwittingly forced to watch 11 hours of live sumo wrestling in Japan, to surviving heartbreak in India at the hands of a French flight attendant, to 48 hours spent in Nepal that qualify as the funniest most gut wrenching travel experience since Captain Bligh was set adrift in the Pacific, to his unsuccessful attempts at avoiding going to a brothel in Thailand. From what to do when several people converge to rob you after midnight on a deserted Copacabana Beach, to how to save the Sierra Mountain Range from a wildfire outbreak due to a lack of quality toilet paper, to where not to go in Tijuana when trying to locate the origins to stories of the city’s mythical adult entertainment, to how to save yourself from drowning when caught in a storm while sailing off the California coast. From how to outwit the Italian police while trying to find parking in downtown Genoa, to how to negotiate exploring the Roman ruins of Plovdiv, Bulgaria while on crutches, to how to impress the German Mafia with 80s dance moves, to how to leave a lasting impression on a crowded bar in Gothenburg, Sweden after combining alcohol and antibiotics.

Simon Yeats has gone into the world and experienced all the out of the ordinary moments for you to sit back and enjoy the experience without the need to break a leg, contract Dengue fever, or rupture a pancreas.

Enjoy an Excerpt from How to Start a Riot in a Brothel in Thailand by Ordering a Beer and Other Lesser Known Travel Tips

My family’s most cherished vacation when we were all kids was a trip we took to the South Island of New Zealand in the southern hemisphere Autumn of 1980. All our relatives live on the north island where my mum and dad both grew up on dairy farms. So, we had already made a trip or two to Auckland in my young life. My parents had emigrated to live in the tropical heat and brutal humidity of the northeast of Australia before any of us kids were born and given a choice in the matter.

There are four of us in my family. An elder brother, an older sister, me, and a younger sister. Each of us is quite different in our personality and our interests. My older sister is the athlete. My younger sister is the diplomat. My brother is the brainiac. Me? Well, I tend to just sit back and let my siblings be in the limelight.

You can imagine me as being the little kid running around in the playground under a mop of red hair being extra polite with all the other kids and no one teasing me at all for having red hair. Something close to that.

But among me and my siblings, none of us ever stole a car and took off for a joy ride. None of us have ever been arrested by undercover police for trying to sell them synthetic crack cocaine we had cooked up in the basement. None of us ever got in trouble for mislabeling someone by using the wrong pronoun. I mean, sure, I once got in trouble for calling my headmaster the C-word, but, other than that small blemish on my record, I considered myself an exemplary student. Our mum and dad were amazing parents to raise us all so well.

We were a very content family growing up in the 70’s and 80’s while living in the sweltering pizza oven, otherwise known as North Queensland. What about central air conditioning? Oh, how entitled and twenty-first century of you to ask. Rubbing an ice cube across the forehead and asking my younger sister to blow against it. Does that count? Central air conditioning? No. There was none. Just like there was extraordinarily little to do in my hometown. Watching paint dry as a kid living in Townsville brought out the same level of unbridled fascination that I now see with adults viewing porn.

The reasoning behind there being nothing to do is obvious. It is not safe to do anything where I lived. Australian country towns are just holding pens for human beings surrounded by a natural species menagerie of death.

About the Author:

Simon Yeats has lived nine lives, and by all estimations, is fast running out of the number he has left. His life of globetrotting the globe was not the one he expected to lead. He grew up a quiet, shy boy teased by other kids on the playgrounds for his red hair. But he developed a keen wit and sense of humor to always see the funnier side of life.

With an overwhelming love of travel, a propensity to find trouble where there was none, and being a passionate advocate of mental health, Simon’s stories will leave a reader either rolling on the floor in tears of laughter, or breathing deeply that the adventures he has led were survived.

No author has laughed longer or cried with less restraint at the travails of life.

Amazon Author Page ~ TikTok ~ Instagram

Buy Book One, Book Two, and Book Three on Amazon.

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